Random Encounters are Always Silly

Random Encounters are Always Silly
Date of Scene:	20 May 2013
Location:	Random Encounterville
Synopsis:	Ramza's group faces a random encounter. Maybe they shouldn't have grinded Artemis' levels.
Cast of Characters:	Emi Dennou, Ramza Beoulve, Artemis Eurus

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Ramza Beoulve has posed:
The New Zodiac Braves were moving down the road like a convoy. They didn't favor carts, instead preferring to pack as lightly as possible. This still led to their Chocobos being overburdened at times, so their pace was purposefully slow. They had no sense of haste about them currently, as they didn't feel particularly threatened.

And that's when the silence was broken by a man in overly gaudy robes. "So anyone else notice how quiet it's been?"

Everyone groaned at once as Marlowe opened his big mouth, which of course led to...

RANDOM ENCOUNTER

You know them, you love to hate them. They're a fact of life in Final Fantasy.

Except something is wrong. With Artemis included, the average enemy level has been upgraded to compensate.

Coming down the hill, inexplicably are several different monster types that have no business working together. 2x Greater Hydra, 1x Behemoth King, 4x Minotaur on foot. Flying overhead are 2x plague horrors, and 3x Cockatrices..

As for Ramza, he was facepalming, and trying to bring some sort of order to their ranks. Given that he's ordering around the NPCs... The Dennous and Artemis have full oppurtunity to go first.

Artemis Eurus has posed:
Artemis is walking along, keeping up with the chocobos without trouble. She hardly ever rides. Insists it is better to walk. Its almost like she thinks someone will accuse her of being lazy if she rode.

She's having a conversation with one of the Braves about battle tactics when the monsters appear. Well, that was one heck of a random encounter. Groaning, Artemis looks to Ramza. "What is this madness," she comments, then draws her blade. "Don't do anything foolish hmm?" she says, winking to him before she 'blinks' forward toward the Behemoth King, appearing right before it in a charge, slashing out with her a borrowed katana. It wasn't /her/ katana...but its a blade. It'll do.

Needless to say, the Behemoth King is pretty suprised to be charged by a human. This isn't something human's generally do.

Emi Dennou has posed:
Ironically about when Emi volunteered to take Omi's place, she shortly got punched into a wall and broke her arm. And Omi recovered. So Omi and Umi are in the crew today. Mysteriously. Umi is chatting along, oblivious, she is a lot noisier than normal but then--well--a random encounter?

"DOn't do what you're thinking of doing." Omi says.

"CHARGE!" Umi shouts, chasing after Artemis. "Wait for me!" She waggles her arms. "I wanna be the fist to hit it! It looks huge! Lemme! You can get the next one, THe Network offers a trade!"

"Hrnngh..." Omi grunts, using her position to move UP the hill instead, no doubt to get into a good sniping position.

Ramza Beoulve has posed:
The King Behemoth looks quite suprised by Artemis charging it... It rears up on it's forelegs, stomping down near her. The minotaurs begin to close ranks.. three tiles at a time. Maybe next turn they'll be flanking her! One of the Hydras breaks off. All three heads take a deep breath... and then the air around Umi is supercharged by lightning?

Oh you poor three-headed dolt. You have no idea what you just did, do you?

Marlowe looses off an arrow, in an attempt to redeem himself. One of the Plague horrors catches it in it's talons, and breaks it, mockingly. Yeah Marlowe, you done messed up now.

Adela tries to summon an esper of incredible power on the battlefield... a puff of smoke appears, and suddenly a moogle on the back of a Yellow Chocobo capers about on the battlefield. It tosses a potion at Umi and Artemis's head. Despite the broken shards of glass, it feels quite refreshing. Except the two haven't actually taken any real damage yet, so it's wasted.

The Gerad looses a few gouts of flame into the sky, and one of the cockatrices falls. And Ramza just...sighs, as he wonders why his companion AI is so terrible today. He moves forward by riding on Boco, but hasn't yet reached the front where Artemis and Emi are, opting to lightning bolt one of the plague horrors, which spasms, and falls to the earth, twitching senselessly.

Artemis Eurus has posed:
When the Behemoth rears up, instead of backing away like a SANE person she dashes in, slamming her blade into the beast's underbelly as it fall. Of course, she's beneath it, but she doesn't seem to worried. Before she can be crushed by the giant bulk and stomping feet she teleports away, reappearing on top of the beast, standing on its shoulders. The samurai raises her blade and drives it down into the skull of the king behemoth, which then falls over with a great THUD. Bleeding and quite dead.

One.

Artemis twirls her blade and turns toward the Minotaurs that are thinking to flank her. She simply looks at them and points her sword, tilting her head slightly as if to say "you want some?"

Art glances toward Umi, charging in as well, and smiles. She likes this Dennou! She's got spunk!

Emi Dennou has posed:
Umi yelps. "It's attacking me with electricity!"

"Absorb and repel, dolt!" Omi yells at her.

Oh right. Umi fans out her hands, sliding to a stop. She swings her hands up and the electricity flows into her body. She stumbles back a few feet before she channels it right back for the hydra, intending to blast it hard with its own energy!

Omi is a bit more practical and just fires a rifle round at it from her position up on the hill. She aims for head #2, in fact.

Ramza Beoulve has posed:
King Behemoth is down. Long live the King! Noone ever voted for him anyhow.

The Hydra gets two of its heads charred off, which hang limply, the third snakes in to try and take a bite out of the most enthusiastic of Dennous when... /BLAM/ it gets shot right between the eyes. Hydra down.

Three of the Minotaurs converge on Artemis at once. Two flank on each side, one from behind, while a Hydra fills in to completely surround her. They all attack as one, thinking she's cornered. One final minotaur runs up to Umi, literally trying to trample over her. While yet another cockatrice breaks off, to try and peck the Dennou from behind... watch out Umi, or we'll have a Cronus situation all over again!

Ramza moves forward yet again, and casts a barrier spell on both Umi and Artemis.. still unable to reach either of them this round. He was just one tile short of getting to Umi, and four short of Artemis at this time.. despite being mounted. CURSE YOU TILE MOVEMENT, should have set your movement ability to +3 move instead of Ignore Height Ramza. I mean, really, did you think it was going to help you win that mountain climbing contest against Zack and Artemis in Hawaii?

Two of the plague horrors break off and fly up to Ramza, just staring at him, giving him the evil eye. Ramza tries to call out a warning to Umi.. and nope, he's silenced. Also it just tried to Doom him, but we're not letting that status affect the main character in a random battle? I mean can you imagine how embarassing that'd be to get a game over here.

The other NPCs advance, and Helena causes the Earth to pick up, burying one of the Minotaurs attacking Artemis up to his neck in the hillside, giving Artemis an opening an opening to escape. The other NPCs.. DEFEND?! WHAT IS WITH THIS TERRIBAD AI?

Artemis Eurus has posed:
Artemis smiles to the enemies that surround her, thinking they have her. That's adorable.

The masked woman takes a calculated strike to her armor, moving into the minotaurs guard then to score a truly gruesome hit, slicing open his throat. This of course, results in a bit of a blood bath for the samurai.

Two.

Quickly she moves to her next target, jumping over a strike toward her legs, parrying the quick strikes of the hydra with her blade and her gauntlets. She lands in a defensive stance, waits for an opening, then--BLINK.

Artemis appears behind the hydra, deciding to take that down first. No chopping off of heads, she knows better. She brings her blade down to sever the beast's spine, paralyzing it. It falls.

Three.

"Ramza!" she calls. "You'd better move your ass or you're going to miss all the action!"

Emi Dennou has posed:
The difference between a cockatrice and a medusa is that one of these only needs to be looked at to turn someone into stone. Cronus can't defend against 'looking at something' except by not looking at it. And if it's teleported right in front of him, well, that makes it pretty difficult.

The Network has a defense against cockatrices, and that's practice evading strikes that could kill her with a touch. Umi spins around and snap kicks the side of the cockatrice's beak. She hops back a bit to avoid a counter strike and swings her hands in a ball in front of her, unleashing another wave of electricity for the beast!

Omi takes a moment to reload and keep an eye out for another target. It's best to keep track of your shots, she reasons.

"Yeah! Have some fun too! The Network insists!" Umi singsongs.

Ramza Beoulve has posed:
The world has just decided that Artemis is too much of a bad mother-<GOOSEHONK> to let this stand. Up in random encounter central, where sadistic little men at consoles program these sort of things to screw with RPG players everywhere, someone hits the red button.

A Red Dragon descends from the sky. The hell is this? Who decided that we get that in a random encounter? For reasons unbeknown to Final Fantasy, it starts breathing.. LIGHTNING at Artemis.

What kind of messed up fantasy is this where Red Dragons breathe lightning instead of flame? Also, DID THE MEN IN RANDOM ENCOUNTER CENTRAL NOT SEE THAT WE HAVE TWO DENNOUS ON THE FIELD?

Luckily, Theodore actually has decent AI, he was just waiting for the right moment.. as he descends, and plunges a spear right into the Red Dragon's back. That only seemed to piss it off though, as Theodore had to hastily jump to avoid its retributive claw strike, littering the creature with a few throwing kunai as he leaps backwards.

Ramza has Boco advance as he grabs one of the plague horrors by its legs, and with his other hand, just punches it repeatedly in the face with Fists of Fury... that fight for justice, before dropping it over the side. The creature lands on it's tiny legs, little birdies and stars swirl around it, and then it just flops over, unconscious. Ramza is unfortunately silenced so he can't answer Artemis other than to glower a little. A cockatrice comes at him from above, and he withdraws his Cinqueda out of its sheath, cutting off its wing. The creature flops on the ground pathetically, bleeding from its new amputated stump.

Artemis Eurus has posed:
Oh, a red dragon? Really? Now things are getting good. Now she's having fun.

Wait, lightning? Did someone not read their monster manual? What the heck!?

Well, alright. Whatever. Still going to kill it and maybe make Ramza a pair of flasher new boots.

There is the small problem of the dragon being airborn, and her bow isn't nearby. Besides, the bow is much less fun. Thus, BLINK! Artemis aims herself at the dragon, appearing before the beast in a flash, slicing through reality to cover the distance in a heartbeat. She brings her sword down across its eyes, then runs forward, her feet making contact with its head then up its neck as she tries to stay in the air, right on the dragon's back. What fun it would be to really ride a dragon. Perhaps one not actively trying to eat you. That would be good.

Artemis looks for any chinks in the scales, eventually picking a spot where she estimates a kidney may be, stabbing deep with all her considerable strength.

Emi Dennou has posed:
Not one but two Dennous! Which is also one Dennou. But each Dennou counts as an individual deployment so you probably don't want to make a DEnnou ARmy. Then again, if you made a DEnnou ARmy, you could REALLY plow through any elec weak mobs. Of course, that doesn't mean they can just steal electricity all the time. Umi is too slow to stop the red dragon from breathing lightning but it doesn't seem like Arty really needs the help anyway.

Umi starts to charge for the dragon but then suddenly ducks down and covers her head--as Omi unleashes another shotgun shot for the dragon.

"DID YOU SHOOT IT YET?" Umi shouts.

"OF COURSE I SHOT IT!" Omi shouts back, rolling her eyes. "Ugghhh! The Network thinks you are incorrigable."

"But I am The Network." Umi responds, which doesn't make Omi feel any better.

Ramza Beoulve has posed:
The Red Dragon stays hovering in the air, sweeping lightning all over the battlefield. Man, everyone's hair is going to stand up for a week. Artemis might break her comb by the time this is over.

The sword goes for it's eye, and it reflexively pulls it's head up, as Artemis draws a line across it's neck again. It's shallow, due to the scales of its neck actually being rather tough. And then she stabs into it's back, and it let's our an earsplitting roar. The lesser NPCs all run around in fear. Except Theodore, and Helena who roll their eyes.

Helena whips up a windstorm, causing the Dragon to slam down to the ground, despite the beating of its wings, before the creature begins to just spew even more lightning all over the field.

Every single lingering monster who we haven't killed yet is now dead. Friendly fire <GOOSEHONKS>!

Ramza puts up some crystalline barriers around himself and Boco, before he tosses a globe of water at the dragon. It bursts, and suddenly there's a giant rush of water. A deluge which soaks the entire hill below the dragon. The thing is soaking wet, the hill is covered in a giant puddle, and the smile that Ramza gives to the silenced Dennous can only mean one thing. /Have Fun Girls. Just don't kill Artemis./

Artemis Eurus has posed:
Like the insane person she is, she grabs hold of her sword, still embedded in the dragon, and rides the beast down to the ground until it crashes into the puddle Ramza has created.

Now, knowing what she does about Ramza's tactics and the Dennou's abilities, Artemis has decided it would be best if she vacate the dragon before her hair gets any worse.

Or, you know, she's been shocked to death.

Artemis yanks the sword free (after giving it a twist for good measure) then runs like <GOOSEHONK>, saluting to the Dennous for them to do their thing!

Emi Dennou has posed:
Umi's hair goes poofy. She doesn't seem to care because, well, the obvious reasons. This probably happens a lot. Omi remains far off, managing to evade thanks to distance. She does, though, crouch down and cover her head instinctively, however, though this might be more because if the WIIIIIIIINDSTOOOOOORM. Sparks land around her as the monster spews electricity everywhere, ripping apart a bunch of monsters in the process.

"Oh water." She says. "Haha, man, I'm soaking wet!" Umi says. "This one will have to change her clothes to avoid getting a cold--" She reaches for her shirt, removes it right there and then, and shakes it out a bit to try and dry it off.

She pauses, looks up, sees dragon.

She looks at her feet, then up to dragon again.%r"OH YEAH!" She yells, dropping her shirt to send a double barreled electroblast barreling for the monster!

Ramza Beoulve has posed:
The poor Dragon had no idea what was happening... unfortunately since it produced electricity, and was standing in water, it made a fantastic conductor. It roared, and began to spasm. The sheer overload of electricity causing it to have an X-Ray effect. They all saw the dragon's skeleton, with it's skin a mere outline as the Umi continually turned up the AMPS on the sucker.

And then all of a sudden, it just toppled over, it's body still twitching.

Victory!

Battle Trophies: Umi's Shirt, Artemis' pride(She loved her hair after all), Ramza's voice(Sucker was silenced.), 10 mancards to be evenly distributed(6 for Artemis, 4 for the Dennous), Charred Dragon Hide!, Enough Dragon Meat to feed the Braves for a fortnight. And... 1500 gil. WHY THE HELL WAS ANY OF THAT CARRYING GIL? WHERE WAS IT CARRYING GIL?

Ramza would just look away from Umi politely, for the sake of her 'modesty'. As Sheryl teleported across the field to cast Esuna on him. Clearing his throat, he'd say, "Well fought."

And then to the NPCs.. "Artemis will be drilling all of you in the morning. It seems we've been lax."

And everyone sent up a collective gasp of horror.

Artemis Eurus has posed:
Well, no she can't make Ramza boots from the dragon. However, there is still a Behemoth that needs skinning! Comfy rug, pair of gloves or so...all and all a good haul.

Artemis looks to Umi then laughs brightly. "I like your spirit!" she she calls, then breaks into a jog toward Ramza. Yup, she'll be needing a deep conditioning treatment on her hair and so good time with a comb. She'd let Ramza help.

Once she reaches him, she grabs him by the back of the neck and kisses him deeply, likely to the embarrassment of just about everyone.

Then, laughing, she gets to butchering her kills.

Emi Dennou has posed:
Umi waves to Artemis. "Thank you, The Network is fond of your action spirit too!" She punches the air a few times.

Omi in the background glowers at her. Everybody always likes the careless one. Grump grump. She's being all cautious and tactical and nope it's Umi who goes around tearing off her shirt and kicking cockatrices. Well not that Umi has anything against removing shirts. None of the Network really do. It is a small side effect from being grown in a tube.

Umi does however pick up her shirt, shaking it out a few times, sending electricity across her body to purge the water off of her and it.

"No problemo, any time Ramzarino." Umi says cheerfully before finally putting it on. No shame. No shame.

Ramza Beoulve has posed:
Someone in the crowd of Braves dares to wolf-whistle when Artemis smooches with Ramza.

Everyone knew who it was without even looking. A moment later, Marlowe has a silence, and blind spell cast upon him in one two combination by Sheryl.

Boco stares at Artemis, then sort of puts his head forward, as if expecting a kiss as well. Or at least... some display of affection. He was a needy bird after all. Ramza returns the kiss, and is left a touch breathless... and he's blushing, given that it just happened in front of everyone.

It takes him about a minute to recover, "Ah, uhm. Yes, thank you Omi, Umi... Omi I think Artemis will need a co-instructor tomorrow for battle tactics. Just.. no metal knives please. And thank you, Umi. You're an..." He tries his hardest not to laugh affectionately at the enthusiastic Dennou, his lips twitching, "...inspiration, to us all."

Artemis Eurus has posed:
Artemis looks to Boco, reaches up to give him a nice pet and a kiss on the beak. Adorable needy bird.

Then there is butchering! Get the knives! "Umi, Omi, come here! I'll show you how to skin a Behemoth!"

Emi Dennou has posed:
This is something Umi and Omi can bond over.

"Haha-- yes lets go!" Umi runs over. Omi is more subdued, but actually allows herself a smile, picking up the knives herself.

"Hahaha!" Umi laughs some more. She likes to laugh.