Twisted Memories

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Twisted Memories
Date of Scene: 13 December 2012
Location: Bare Desert
Synopsis: Angantyr's transformation leaves him a sitting duck for Leida.
Cast of Characters: Angantyr Vespar, Leida

Angantyr Vespar has posed:
Along the coast line of the Eastern Continent, where the sands of the desert meet the waters of the ocean...not every place along the shore has a resort town, there are still lots of unexplored or simply unused beaches. One of these places, one Angantyr had found under duress escaping Arcadian persuers, found. It was here, he retreated to when he needed to be alone.

Of course, now he had come here after taking the injection from LEXUS. He needed a place to get away from everything, everyone...the injection worked faster on him, mostly because he was a creature of darkness already...well, that wasn't true. He was a man with just a innate darkness to him.

Now, the statement was probably true. The half mutated form of Angantyr lays on it's back near the beach. A day had happened sense he got here, and it was night again. The moon rising over the water, and the changes had come faster...

His size had increased a whole foot, darkness had spread almost everywhere on his body, his normal coloration replaced with pure black skin. The skin itself also exhuded whispy smoke and dentrils when he moved. Facial features were starting to fade, obscured by the darkness except for his eyes, which were glowing yellow. Horns already starting to grow out of his head...

He was a monster given flesh...bits of human he once was can be seen, but they were fading fast. What might have attracted Leida here was the screaming...the anguish of the transformation. It was painful, and it was still continuing.

Now, he is still laying, the remains of his armor lay under him, split in half by his claws, and straps of clothing keeping him decent. His breathing is shallow, as he seems to be in a half sleep, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Leida has posed:
The heat was sweltering here, far beyond anything the young girl had encountered thus far. The unholy merger of shadow and soul provided for her a passive immunity to a great many things but extreme temperatures was not among them. The sun battered her as mercilessly as anyone else.

Sweat poured freely down her face, stinging salty drops getting into her half closed eyes. The thin layer of padding beneath her light armor was soaked with perspiration and the moisture rubbed her skin raw where the metal plates curved in to press against the smooth flesh. The one blessing afforded to the young noble was that her mind was so clouded with the haze of nothingness that blocked out her memories and emotions that she hardly seemed to notice.

Heavy metal boots sank into the shifting sands with each step as Leida slowly made her way across the open expanse of featureless desert, the terrain swallowing up her slender legs and wrapping around them as if to hold her fast so that she might join the fraternity of bleached bones that lie scattered every so often, a testament to those foolish enough to challenge this hellish landscape for years to come. But her strength was an infinite wellspring fed by the darkness inside and even here there were shadows to consume.

As always, when she had awoken here, the girl remembered little from what came before. Images danced in her mind. Flashes of water, stretching across the horizon. A massive structure woven together by interlaced metal struts as if by some bizzare spider. A boy who's name and face were at the edge of her mind but never quite within reach. Screaming. Pain. Death.

She never dwelled on these thoughts for she could never be sure what was truly real. So Leida merely picked herself up from the dusty ground and started to walk. Her direction wasn't chosen for any real reason, she just went. Eventually, however, she began to hear the sounds. She knew this noise for it followed her wherever she went. Pain, deep and visceral. The sound of a soul being torn apart.

A faint smile touched her cracked lips. She changed course towards the screams as the wind picked up, carrying the faint cries on anguish to her as if beckoned by her presence.

"What beautiful music..."
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The cries of angish are ignored, if they are heard.

Mostly because the darkness resonates with the cries...the transformations start again, waking him from his half sleep. There isn't anyone here, that he knows of, and he does not hold himself back...he screams in agony...he cries out in pain...he has no need to try and resist the pain. Even his pain tolerance was not enough to keep silent.

His entire essence was chanting, shifting...corrupted by his own nature. The genetic mutation feeding off of what he always had... images streamed through his head, the one he held was the reason he did it at all, the suffering of Avira kept reminding him...

Tears run down his face...what remained of it, as bones cracked and darkness seeped deeper.

This is followed by a dark ROAR.
Leida has posed:
It was several miles later that the girl's methodical plodding pace finally brought her to the source of her mad intrigue. The roar of the ocean caressing the shore touched her ears and brought sparks of memory exploding before her eyes. Another beach just like this one interposed itself over her vision for a few moments but it faded just as quickly and she simply kept going.

When her legs felt the cool wash of the water, she turned and began to make her way up the beach. The sweet breeze wafting in from the water was wonderful and she paused for several minutes, allowing it to run gently across her face and through her hair. The sudden outburst of beastial suffering broke her from her reverie and she again headed in the direction of the noise.

Her footfalls were silent as she came upon the broken shifting mass of flesh and darkness that lay upon the ground. The sand and shadows cushioned her steps and the faint crunch of wet sand was easily drowned out by the steady buzz of the tides lapping in and out.

She peered at the thing with idle curiosity, her head tilting this way and that, like a bird inspecting a potential morsel. Every few seconds she took another step closer, slowly working around in a circle as if a new angle might shed more light on the nature of this thing.
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The figure felt... something near him. It was dark, it was powerful...familar even. But he was blinded by pain...suffering, anguish that coursed through him. His body being twisted as it is, he tries to pull himself up but his body rebells...trying to learn how to control something functionally different than it was was one thing...but doing so while it was still changing was something else entirely. His hands dig into the sand...the hands were huge, his entire body was massive compared to a normal person.

The Darkness would be familar to Leida, that aspect did not change, though his form had changed a great deal.

The Mace was also there, resting head first in the sand at his feet. Though one would have to wonder if he could use it in his current state...or if he even needed to. The presence caused something to happen though. He did not cry out, instead, trying to listen to where she was, if he could hear over the sounds of the ocean. Survival instincts kicking in, despite the intense pain.

It was animalistic in nature.
Leida has posed:
Leida's hands clasped together in a gesture of surprise as the thing shifted, clearly aware of her arrival now. She chewed on the tip of a finger silently, watching to see what this great beast would do. But it didn't attack, didn't lash out at her. After several quiet moments she smiled again and discarded the pretense of stealth, moving over to kneel in the sands beside the remains of the dark knight.

A glance was spared for the massive weapon lying nearby and her hand reached out to run down its curved surface. She felt the tug of familiarity at the corner of her mind and a slight twinge of apprehension. Was this creature her enemy after all? The girl turned her attention back to him and the mace was forgotten.

Leaning forward, Leida listened to the labored sounds of his breathing. Her eyes closed as she tried to picture the terrible suffering that this person must have endured to end up as such. She could feel the pain wafting off of him like a perfume, its essense sinking into her body and sending shivers down her spine.

The proximity to such a source of dark power stirred the thing within her soul, nesting quietly and ever ready to come bubbling to the surface in the face of danger or distress. This was neither yet but it felt her unease, twisting and writhing against the bars of the self-imposed cage.
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The breathing is still labored...if not more frantic. He tries to move his head, only catching the glimpse of her. He snorts again, breathing in more like a wild beast as opposed to a man.

The weapon is cool to the touch, it is ornate, powerful...the dark aura surrounding it is uncomfortable, even for someone in darkness. However, she is not attuned to it. It wants your soul. Your soul...your blood...it is HUNGRY.

It doesn't act, yet, but the hunger from the weapon is palpable. One of the massive legs twitches, as she can see the bones slowly reform, straightening...the muscles growling, the feet twisting into claw like state, while the darkness seeps into the flesh, becoming less...distinct somehow. Features being lost to the darkness...

He roars again, the pain so intense...and the presence of the girl seems to accelerate it. Another source of darkness feeds it by sheer presence.
Leida has posed:
The sensation of desire from the weapon is familiar to her and even as her hand leaves its dark surface the need still clings to her, deep and powerful. Hunger was one of the basest of instincts from the lowest lifeform to the greatest man and this instinct was of a sinister purpose, driven by unnatural forces. She does not recoil from it but the girl takes care to avoid touching it again.

The cracking and snapping of Angantyr's leg being reshaped causes her to open her eyes again, watching with facinated intensity as the darkness molds him into something more than he was and yet less at the same time.

The roar is great and loud, drowning out her ability to hear anything else for a time. Leida simply smiles at this and finally reaches out a hand to what was once a man. It brushes against his chest ever so gently, her touch soft and delicate as the wind.

"Such pain... poor, poor, child..." Her voice is a whisper, faint and dry, like the rustle of dead leaves in the forest. "The darkness is destruction and death... but it can be a savior too... if you let it consume all of the light..."

Her sleepy eyes slid shut once more and she inhaled deeply, drawing on the power within. Faint purple light shimmered into existance around her like a silhouette, a nimbus of negative emotions given form. The shadows of the beach seemed to grow darker, pulling in towards the girl in a horrifying mockery of reality, swirling up around her kneeling form like a cloak.

Upon her body the darkness became solid and viscous, running down her arms like some primoridal ooze. It drips onto the creature's chest, sizzling like acid as it burrowed through the shell of pain and shadow that had engulfed him to reach down into the core.

"Let us go... into your abyss..."
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The voice...

The voice manages to dig into his core, the voice is something he remembers...dangerous and pathetic...his current position leaves him little choice but to lay there still. Those words, those words cause him, even in this state, to shudder...revulsion...denial? Deep in him the darkness stirs...and with the liquid acid of her own darkness being added to the mix that was transforming him now.

Another roar before it dies in his mouth, falling more still against the sands...

His body twitching as she dives into his 'abyss'. She can feel something...a great and vast darkness, neither malicious or benevolant...a dark pook of darkness deeper than any mortal should hold. It would answer a great deal about his powers, even then she could feel something powerful stirring....staring back at her, but it does not act. It does not need to, nor is it inclined to.

But she finds the memories...the things that has forged this abyss until now. The earliest memories come forth, Angantyr was a small lad once, images come forth. Fading in and out, but the childhood starts up first. Angantyr is seen, walking a large house alone. As even a small child he was larger than others, his features clash...somehow within the house. The house was one of light, holy symbols and paladin armor adorns everything, but he...dark features and a power that seemingly goes against the theme of the home.

Images flash again,

"You are hereby relieved of your duties as our first son, your brother, Rellius was born. He was not born with your...taint, Angantyr, so we not need fear dishonor. Go now, child, you have studies to attent to yes?" says a man, large like Angantyr, but his hair blonde, his armor bright, as the young child stares up at him. "Yes father.." he says, resigned, and slowly turns to leave. A twinge of bitterness in his lips...

Images again, His brother, Rellius and Angantyr fighting. It is not...malicious, they are seemingly training under the watchful eyes of the Master of arms. They are older, Angantyr by a few years evenly match against the younger but slightly better trained Paladin. However, the image of their father can be seen from a place where the boys can not. Angantyr's style is less refined, however, more flexable due to a less strict regimine and time to experiment...however...

The disipline and training pay off, A shield meets Angantyr's face, and rocks him, and followed by a charge that sends him flat out. A clapping is followed, and the boys see their father from his vantage point, "Well done, son. Now, come, lets get cleaned up and eat." he says, grabbing Rellius by the arm and taking him away, the bloodied Angantyr, slowly, pulling himself to his feet, staggering from the attack. A hand from the Weaponmaster trying to support the child...

Then something snaps, Angantyr pushes the man away, furious...but darkness envelops the first, the weaponmaster flies from the attack...a full grown man. It's enough to gain the attention of both his father and brother. Rellius looks concerned, as Angantyr looks at his arm.. "I...I'm sorry..." he tries to speak to the weapon master, but his father turns, in disgust dragging Rellius with him.

Images fade again, as the beast roars again, struggling against being forced to relive these memories
Leida has posed:
The girl's hand rose and fell with the wet and laboured efforts of the beast's chest to pull air into its lugs, her slender fingers married to the black flesh by a web of dark tendrils. The scenes of his youth played out before her as well, pouring into her mind and dancing across the back of her eyelids like a delightful puppet show.

She smiled at his rebellion. Her head lolled to one side, dragging the thick mane of her hair across his tainted flesh. The dark raven lockes seeped into him as if made of the darkness themselves and further conjoined their bodies as she pilfered the depths of his mind for every last dreadful and forgotten memory, each dark and buried secret buried away by denial and time.

"It is painful... to see the truth..." Even as she spoke, interrupting the flow of agonizing rememberance, tiny motes of energy began to drift out from the dark knight's body, travelling up the interlocking bridges of inky sludge to fuse with the small girl's aura. She fed upon the negative emotions, the regret and hate, growing stronger with every piece of history that she drug out of him.

"But you must let go... to be at peace... give it to me... all of your suffering... your pain..."

Leida's words grew darker with each utterance, her raspy girlish tone joined by another more sinister voice.

"Embrace emptiness..."
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The words trail through his addled mind, suffering pouring through him, the darkness bubbleing as the changes accelerate...

His pain only increases, his teeth gnashing as he tries to lash out...but he can't. His body refusing to obey him, and only a whimper escapes as she goes deeper...more painful memories....he fights...something in him fights. Someone this steeped in darkness...and there is a light somewhere there, she can't see it, it's somehow hidden from her, but it is there.

Images flicker again, Angantyr was older, older teens and walking next to his brother Rellius. They are about the same height, "Look brother," Angantyr says, "I'll go scout out, we don't know the nature of the force or their intentions. I can take a few men, and be back quicky.." he's cut off by his brother, "No, I will do this, but you can prove yourself to father in anotherway," he says "I know you better than that brother, I know what you want to do...and he'd kill me for doing this, but hold the city while I am away. I'll attempt to negotiate with them, and I'll be back...

More fickering, A battle has broken loose, overwhelming force from a supperior force that is better equiped, the battle is a route...nothing could stop this... pain and loss is everywhere. Angantyr, fighting with everything he has watches as his force slowly dwindles...

The next images are of the regroup. The city is occupied, Arcadian forces holding it completely, Airships everywhere, soldiers patroling the ships...and their force is down to a few dozen. Many had lost their friends, brothers, sisters...lovers. However, Angantyr, speaks, urging them to fight, they could get the word out, if they got to the central building and contacted the other houses...something could be done...

The images cut to the assault on the central building. Already damaged from the previous battle, it was easier to assault. However, this fight was increasingly becoming desperate, a small force moving to the communication equipment.

Rellius stands in the room, sword out and shield out. His force surrounds him, backed up by Arcadian forces.

"Why?! WHY!" Angantyr shouts, "To save our people, Angantyr. If we fight them, we'll lose..we'll be whiped out. I struck a deal with the Judge Magester. But a demonstraition of his power needed to be made, to keep resistances from forming." "My men...OUR MEN died...and for what?! Your position! We should have fought them! To the last! This is OUR land!" he says, running right at his brother, darkness flaring out of him. He didn't care, he lashed out with that power, throwing it around...

However, he was not well trained with it, his brother, was well trained with the light. The battle was bloody, the remaining resistance killed to a man...and Angantyr was beaten. His brother holding the blade over him. "I am sorry, brother...but I won't kill you. Yo-what?"

Then a dark aura consumed Angantyr, a burning darkness consuming him, before a cooridor opened up, sucking him into the relm of darkness.

Depositing him on the feet of a large man made of iron.
Leida has posed:
The tide of memories is like an ocean, deep and strong, and Leida allowed herself to be carried along in its natural currents. They swept her from place to place in a dizzying blur, pausing only long enough to show her the important aspects of each scene, frozen eternally in time within the beast at her feet.

She need not fight the continuing resistance as Angantyr struggled against the things he had seen and done. Her touch was like a beacon to the negative emotions that consumed the man, drawing them like poison from a wound into her own depthless well of darkest night. The process is painful, oh so painful; but then old scars always ran the deepest.

Eventually, when all of the darkness was gone, peeled away like the layers of a fetid rotten onion, there would be only the light. She would consume that as well, leaving the hollow shell of an existance that only lived for the sake of it, emotionless and empty of purpose. No pain. No sorrow. Just the blissful touch of the void. It was her gift to the world that she would take away all of their shadows, one by one, until everything drowned in the eternal black.

The dark purple light about Leida's body flared with each wisp of life that was siphoned away, growing from a mere glow to a crackling heatless flame. She became a roaring bonfire of misery, a monument to the suffering of his entire life, pitiless and eternal.

"More... all of it... give me /everything/..."
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The transformation ebbs...the physical pain stopped for a time, but the feel of the woman digging deeper into him, trying to peel the pain from him...it was almost unbearable, The roar shattering ear drums again, as he thrashes weakly. He tries to break away, but she holds firm, not quite strong enough to break free yet. She is treated to another smorgusboard of suffering, as more memories drift into being.

The man, Garland, looks down at him...images fade and twist. Angantyr is drawling the darkness out as he fights the man, his control better, but still weak. The pain as the man beats him into unconciousness. Repeatedly. But he learns, he grows stronger...his will and body tempered...through pain and suffering, careful mentorship and bastardry.

He is let loose onto the world, becoming a mercinary. Leading a life of a vagabond...watching the suffering and inherant ugliness in the world. Twisting the darkness in his body into a sword to fight the uglyness, to obtain something.

And the hatred...the burning raging anger against Arcadia. For his brother...or the people who wronged him...sorrow for those that died for him. Selling his sword to the highest bidder, even fighting with Arcadia, because it granted him insight...

Then she sees it...the bloody dream. The goal, the burning desire deep beneath everything...the burning empire, crushed into the ground, destroyed and gone, the grip of Arcadia broken on the world. It's armies gone, it's culture shattered...

But it is fighting for supremacy with another vision. The other vision, full of light...hope...love.

And growing stronger. Even her taintedness can not touch this.
Leida has posed:
Leida twitched slightly as her probing tendrils slowed to a crawl, impeded by something yet unseen. The flow of darkness from his body continued but ever so slowly began to dwindle away despite there still be much left for her to take. This had never happened before and that troubled the girl, her unease becoming apparent on her face.

Unsure of how to proceed, she brought her other hand up to rest against the monstrous face. Caressing the blackened cheeks even as more of the sulferous mire melded with the skin, she increased the pressure of the beckoning pull upon his soul. It was not a measured or tactical choice but something done out of instict, the unnatural denizen within her fractured psyche guiding her towards the necessary steps through twisted visions.

To Leida, this was all an act of compassion. Soft poisonous whispers echoed in her head, encouraging her onward, reassuring her twisted mind that this was for his best interests. She stroked the broken man's face with gentle reassurance, a demented smile upon her lips.

"Ssssh... don't struggle... it will all be over... soon..."
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
The tendrils push harder, more invasive than ever, as she tries to get to the center of the tootsi pop that is Angantyr. The brutality that has become his life is offered...the stares of hatred he lives with every day, the shady people he works with...his actions...

She see's one of his biggest regrets, the Shadow Lord Lexus paying him a sum of money, his actions that followed. Manhattan is visible, signing up for the defenders of it, while the forces of darkness bared down on it. She could see it, feeding LEXUS information, until the Shadow Lord strike came.

His assualt on the army base, taking little help except from the Heartless who LEXUS sent to assist. The battle was vicious, and even he was driven off eventually.

But the damage had been done.

Standing before him, was a mutate. Pulling the hood down, she was female, wolf like features... "It's me Angantyr.." she speaks, tears starting to flow from her eyes, "Avira..." Guilt, guilt like any other filled him.

"Manhattan was the last piece of my home...with it gone...It hurts, Angantyr...it hurts so much." she says to him.

The despair grows...worse when he is next seated before LEXUS.
Leida has posed:
"Yes! Yes... that's it... show me..."

Emboldened by her renewed success, Leida's efforts redoubled. She leaned foward, pulling the shadow-warped head against her breastplate, holding him tightly in a firm embrace. The sickly fire spread down her arms and wrapped about the monstrous beast, turning them both into a single brilliant pyre of horror and death that would be visible for miles.

Her youthful cheek pressed against his as she burrowed the damning seekers as deep as they would go, scratching at the very surface of his soul like hungry dogs upon a closed door. It would be so easy for him to be free of all this pain. She could take it away, devouring all of the emotion and replacing it with nothingness. All he had to do was let her in.

The girl spoke a final soothing pledge, her voice a dreary melodic tone as she recited a line of poetry delved from the depths of her own immesurable suffering.

"Lay down your head and rest my dear, the dark will steal away your fears...
You will never be alone, shadow will always call you home..."
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
There is a rumble...her affections stir something.

She can feel it, right at the precipice of his soul...just one tiny barrier...and she is already traversing it.

LEXUS sitting infront of Angantyr, the man sitting infront of him, trying to control himself, trying to keep his emotions surpressed, as they talk about a cure for Avira. LEXUS turns the table on him...

"Do not browbeat me with threats, Angantyr.." he starts, the argument not heated...not really an argument. It is a negotiation...but then..

"Do you love her?" he asks, the question strikes Angantyr like a blow. He stares at him, for a moment, trying to surpress his darkness, Finally.. "Yes."

LEXUS knows blood in the water when he sees it, "What will you do for her cure?" he asks, knowing the answer. The Dark Knight sighs...resigning himself to what is about to happen, "Anything." he finally says.

A pannel draws back, a vile of dark liquid is offered...

Angantyr stares at it... "Then you will give her the cure.."

"ONE Vial will be given to be sent to her." and then, a new emotion crops up. It is not despair, it is not guilt...it is silvery, golden... "Alright." and injects himself.

The feeling grows, he lands on the beach, rolling himself to his chest in the position you see him now. A Ma Belle in his hands, "Forget about me.." he speaks, "I...I am not doing it for him...I am doing it for you. Now...do what I say...and goodbye." as he drops the Ma Belle. Barely aware of her screams for him...

It is not resignation, but satisfaction...

The barrier does not drop.

His resolve is not gone, his will is not broken.

There are a pair of yellow eyes staring right at her, Clear and without pain. The transformation has stopped. The darkness rolling off of him like a storm, seemingly inhuman, the horns are fully grown, long and twisted like a rams. The body...the way it has shifted, almost seems like it is armor-like...but she can feel it.

It is flesh...if not shadowy. Leathery almost.

And those eyes, staring right into Leida.
Leida has posed:
The girl recoiled as if struck, her fingers and tendrils disgorging from the solidified flesh armor as she landed on her rear in the sand. A look of confusion crosses her face at the rebuke; confusion mixed with fear. It was there, the signs were all there. Pain, suffering, regret, loathing. Everything that could bring a man low without leaving a single mark on his body. And yet he had refused to let her take these things away from him.

Wavering amber eyes filled with dark fire peered back at him through the mat of tangled bangs over her face, their gaze asking him the same questions that echoed in her mind. Surely there must be some mistake. She had said the wrong thing, touched the wrong memory.

The thought that anyone would not wish to be free of the endless torment of mortal life, that they could rise up and face such a horrible fate, was anathema to her very existence. If that were true then everything that she had become was a lie.

She would not - /could not/ - accept that.

"Why...?" Her voice was meek as she dug for the words, sitting up in the dark sand even as the dark flames continued to billow towards the sky in silent fury. "Why won't you let me save you...?"
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
Then he was on his feet. There was no...memory of him standing. He was there, as if he had been there all along. Towering now, over her figure, as he glared down at her. He heared her words, her cries...her disbelief. He stares at her...it was not anger, but impassiveness. A slow rumbling came from his-or she thought was-his lips. Slowly, very slowly, he leaned over, placing a hand, gently on her head.

His voice, distorted, phasing in and out of reality through a pained growl spoke, "Without...pain there is no joy. Without suffering...there is no happyness. You can not have one, without the other. My darkness....and my light, are MINE." he roars finally, before pulling his hand back.

It was hard to control his emotions, control the darkness that screamed to be used. "Demon. I would suggest you do not tempt your fate again. I will take it as...repayment for past transgressions." he says, simply.

"I would suggest leaving."
Leida has posed:
The shadows hissed their fury at the defiant creature before her, a sound like blades on whetstones from everywhere at once. But they did not strike out, instead consolidating around the trembling girl in a heavy blanket, trying to soothe her fears and doubts in the face of strength where she had been weak.

It was losing control. Her memories began to surface, first one and then more, crashing into her consciouness like battering rams. She cried out, screeching a sound of real horror as the ghosts of past deeds assaulted her in a hideous mockery of the very power she wielded over others.

With a final curse spat in a language so old that it had no words, only concepts formed of hatred and rage, the shadows consumed the girl entirely and sank into the sands. The evil fire snuffed out in a puff of roiling acrid mist as the girl disappeared, the only remnant left behind to mark that she had ever been there, leaving the dark knight alone with his thoughts.
Angantyr Vespar has posed:
"It slipped." He notes, pulling the phone into hish and, and looks towards the mace. And he turns. Dropping the phone, and turning from them...there was nothing left for him in those things. Sighing, he walks...and then is gone. Like he was never there to begin with. Only the ruined armor, the mace, and his phone remain.

The image of Leida losing control came to his mind, something was...

No forget it...there was only this now...only...this.